A Tribute To The Strongest Ladies

Single moms tell a story of sacrifice and patience. With more women opting to become single parents of late, it’s about time something was said. Anyone raised by a caring single mum will tell you they know what true love is. She is the person who will patiently listen to you despite her utter exhaustion. She is the gift that keeps on giving.

How are the children of single moms? It is a common belief that children raised in a family with a father and mother has some added advantage. That is the traditional way things appear. Unique situations where the child was raised by a single parent usually led to prejudiced judgments because it was synonymous with “broken” homes or “illegitimate” children

So let’s debunk this a bit.

The level of education of the mother actually influences the level of ambition and determination of the children. The child mirrors the success and efforts of the parents. And sometimes is compelled to do further. This can be driven by the parent(s). It is not based on the relationship status of the parents.

However, not to say single-parenting has no pitfalls, it has several. A single parent with adequate resources may provide a stable, nurturing home in which children thrive just as well as those who have two parents. On the other hand, a single parent who’s just scraping by and has little time, energy or skill for parental duties might have children who are at risk for a variety of problems which are mostly potential psychological effects and most single parents really struggle to steer their children away from these pitfalls.

Let’s face it, it’s a dog eat dog world. We are in a harsh economy where you must keep up to make it. Single moms would do anything to make an extra shilling. For example, in Egypt a woman pretends to be a man for 43 years to make ends meet. Sisa Abu Daooh wore a Taqiyah and went on her way to work. This devotion is not a calling. Her goal was to make sure that her children were fed.

But all in all, at the end of the day, she is both your parents rolled into one and in most cases, your best friend as well and that lady you absolutely love and admire.

It is quite remarkable what single moms do. It is quite encouraging. This was a requested post by one of our awesome followers. And single fathers, we really appreciate you too 😉

Much Love,

Steja.

WIDEN YOUR CIRCLE

‘A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.’

John 13:34-35 (NIV)

My sister read this article to me that completely made sense so I thought I would share it. It concerns something called the “Jesus project”. Basic principle of it is, not everyone in life will be ‘your kind of person’.  But, it doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be shown love and treated with respect.

A Jesus project is someone who may get on your nerves, someone who may offend you or someone whom you really wouldn’t choose to spend time with because you’re just complete opposites.

I call them Jesus projects because I believe that God has placed certain people in our lives to challenge us and to make us better people. I don’t know about you but I know that at some point in my life I’ve done something that God wouldn’t approve of; I’ve offended God and I’ve been quite an annoying person to be associated with. And yet, with that being said, he still loves me unconditionally and wants to see me do well.

Wouldn’t it be great if we had the same attitude towards people whom we just don’t get on with, whom we struggle to connect with or who just plain irritate us? It could be that person with the slightly weird sense of humor or that person in your life who always seems to push your buttons.

Why don’t you invite them for lunch, to the cinema or to church and practice being a little more like Jesus in their company?

Step out of your comfort zone and choose to see the best in people because Jesus chooses to see the best in us. In my personal experience I’ve found that the more I focus on the positive characteristics of a person, the less the negative characteristics become.

So point is, It’s great to have a core circle of friends, but it’s probably even better to open it up to include others. Who knows? You might end up with an Antigua-speaking, acrobat artist with a special fondness for rich tea biscuits in your friendship group…!

5 Ways To Make Sure You Have Victories Each Day

We have gotten ourselves out the rut and gotten things rolling. Life is moving forward. In this busy world we live in we need to come up with easier ways on how to deal with monotony… how do you prevent yourself from getting back to another routine?

We’re going to share with you what I believe has worked for me this far.

+1 Be extremely ambitious

Very obvious it seems but not really. We need to find something that challenges us. Something that requires you to set goals. “Unrealistic goals” they call them.

I need to be able to read ‘A Feast for Crows‘ by the end of the week. As an example.

Why? How can you came up with innovative ideas if your goals remain constant?

+2 Make a list of interesting things you can do

There is a lot happening. Your boss, friend and family want a slice of your 24 hours. Remember those are your 24 hours. So make a funny list of what you would want to accomplish for yourself. Not necessarily changing your life; but putting a smile on your face…

This list made me smile…

+3 Support a charity or join a business

The reason anything exists is to solve a problem. This has lead to many innovations like the air plane to solve traveling issues.

The sooner you join a cause the faster ideas to improve or solve the problem arise.

+4 Do a pilot

We do not encourage risky behaviour without a safety net. For some it works out. But for most people unproven solutions don’t work out so well…

So try it out. Adjust and move on. You’ll find the best mix. And the mix will work for you.

+5 Ignore the hater

There will always be people that do not understand. If they are not offering constructive criticism don’t listen.

When they complain. Ask them to offer an alternative and listen for their answers… 🙂

Much love,
Steja.

Body Shaming

So many people are so sensitive about their weight. Gaining weight is probably one of the scariest things for most people, including me. That fear makes people go to extreme lengths to cut weight or regularly work out to lose whatever weight they gain. Not all people will manage to reach their target when they begin their weight loss journey.

Although we all want to have the perfect body shape, which most ladies feel is the model figure, we can’t all achieve that. Most people are plus size and proud about it. It is true that most if not all people, consciously or unconsciously criticize plus size people. It is mean to say negative things about people’s body size, mock them or even go to the extent of publicly humiliating them.

Recently the big story on social media was about this guy named Sean who was publicly humiliated by an unknown person who took a photo of him dancing at a party and tweeted:
“Spotted this specimen trying to dance the other week. He stopped when he saw us laughing”

That was definitely so mean. What makes me happy is that so many people including celebrities stood up for him, rebuking the man who posted the picture of Sean and tweeted about him calling him a specimen. Every person is a wonderful creature and no one has the right to call another a ‘specimen’ just because he/she is plus size.

I do pity the guy who mocked Sean because all things said and done, Sean got the last laugh. Cassandra Fairbanks and over 1000 of her friends invited Sean to a dance party in Los Angeles. The party turned out to be one of the largest dance parties in the world as so many celebrities attended it to share the day with Sean as a way to stop body shaming.

In Kenya, programs such as Slim Possible have been created to aid overweight individuals to cut down their weight. Such initiatives prove that weight is just but a number, it can be lost and gained at any time and one can be in charge of her/his body. I’m a religious follower of Slim Possible as it inspires me a lot and makes me appreciate myself more. All of us should appreciate ourselves, take charge of ourselves and make proper decisions about our bodies.

Being chic and stylish is possible for all body sizes too no wonder designers like Michael Kors use models of all ages and sizes. Ladies and gentlemen don’t be embarrassed or put off because of your body shape and size, embrace it and be proud of it and do not let what people say about your body be your focus, naah, stand up for yourself and show them that you are a belle or a beau no matter what they say. Ladies emulate women like Kelly Clarkson, she ain’t scared to flaunt those new curves and added pounds stylishly though everyone thinks she should lose some weight.

Amor,

Maci.

PS:

For more check out All In Trends 🙂

3 Ways On How To Deal With Any Conflict

We are at war! It is not the best option, but for the moment it’s the only option. Every day we wake up with goals and small victories. All these accumulate to mountains of success; however, we are at war!

With love from Jebet @ bazulibemhlaba.wordpress.com

I’m gonna share with you on how you can spread the love and move on to more successes.

Conflict is the clash of incompatible goals. The origin of the conflict arises from the differing attitudes, behaviour and value of ideals of the parties. Conflict may escalate to a war. But is it just?

So what’s a just war? This is the philosophy behind declaration of and conduct in war. So a war is only just if it is fought for altruistic causes. It is meant to set the wrongs done right.

Let’s get a bit technical. There are two concepts: right to just war and conduct during the war. The right to just war deals with the final decision to do the right thing according to you. And conduct in war involves sustaining equality and fairness in war.

So how do you use this?

1. Patch things up:

The other day, two brothers (X and Y) went to blows after they realised that they have a thing for a particular flower among men. This is a common event in life. And sometimes is hard to find the one. Unfortunately, they had to fight to decide who would become the ‘plucker’.

It was like the scene in Assassin’s Creed where Conor finally killed his opponent. He was bleeding and waiting for the welcoming voices of the beyond. In this case, the brothers we on their last breath when each exerted their final blow on the other… and just like that the flower was claimed by the village idiot/genius. Poor development of that story…

Anyway, X had these attitude that the Y always claimed the freshest fruit for themselves. And the fact that Y could not see the love he had for the flower meant he was selfish. The best thing to do was to rid the world of such selfishness.

Well, for us to deal with any conflict one has to be tolerant of others and resolute to modify ones attitudes.

2. What is the conflict about

I am a victim of this one.

I can have a whole argument about why the sun sets in the east, when the discussion was how I can’t bake.

Get to know what exactly the issue is. So that the dialogue makes sense for the both of yous! (Grammar Nazis?)

3. Get your tools ready, we have a house to rebuild…

When all is said and tears shed. The reconstruction must begin. Get you plan sorted out… between the two of yous! (Am I pissing you off yet?)

Ask for advice from a professional. Not your ex. Even if he is the only professional you know…

Keep talking to make sure that the plan made is effective and sustainable. And we can learn to love again…

Much love,

Steja.

Unlock The 7 Chakras

Those of you who have watched the series of Avatar will probably relate to this article so much better, but if you have not, it’s OK, I will explain from scratch. 🙂

via trendvee.com

Everyone has an invisible energy system called chakras. The word chakra means energy disc, vortex or wheel.

There are seven energy stations positioned from the base of your spine to the top of your head. It is therefore important to understand the nature of our energy system and how to support yourself in maintaining vital life-force energy, otherwise known as “chi” in Chinese.

This invisible energy system flows energy on pathways or meridians and the meridians have multiple pressure points that are means of working with the energy to keep it flowing which is actually the basis of acupressure, acupuncture and reflexology.
When your energy is leaking, weak, or frozen you feel depleted, heavy and even stuck! When you are energy-depleted and challenged, it is more difficult to manage your emotions, think positive thoughts, stay healthy and attract harmony into your life.

Well guys, it’s this simple:

I know this is not something Africans take particular interest to but it does help.

You could take time out and visualize. Here, you visualize a premeditated scenario and outcome, and infusing this outcome with emotions, you can program your subconscious mind to achieve otherwise impossible feats.

You could also heal your chakras by meditation. People use meditation to enter an alternate state of mind for enhanced relaxation, clarity, healing, and intuition and to unblock each of their 7 Chakras from the level of the subconscious.

You could also heal your chakras by a method that is actually becoming quite popular in Africa which is YOGA, yes; simple yoga which is not only tones of fun, but also energizes your lymph system, lowers your blood pressure, and elegantly connects your body with your energetic and spiritual nature.

There are also other ways to heal your chakras like rapid eye technology and crystal healing but I see no purpose of going further into those since let’s face it, you may never get to use them. Or probably you will… let us know…

You don’t have to spiral into depression and a feeling of self-helplessness, the power to your happiness and well-being lies with you. Work at healing a chakra a time and it will help you see how beautiful life actually is, and I speak from personal experience.

Though I do have to warn you, not all chakras are easy to open. For some, you will need to first accept you have a problem and it will require you to face your fears and take risks head-on because it’s like a battle with yourself but really, it’s not that hard to tame that mammoth in your head.

Those of you who have been sick at some point (especially with terminal illnesses), know how critical it is to stay positive because if you fill your head with negativity, you deteriorate really fast so keeping your chakras open helps in the healing. And some of you, who feel ill, may just be experiencing issues with your chakras which are closed or weak so your subconscious mind portrays it as illness.

This is a different point of view to wellness but bottom line is, stay positive and love yourself.

Love and positivity,

Steja.

STUCK IN A RUT

Welcome to March guys (the fact that its March already is slightly frightening)…Sad to say, every New Year, I always get so excited and make bucket lists of all the things I want to do when I cross over: so much positivism and letting go of the bad in the ending year. I think if I spent the whole year that way, I would accomplish so much. Sadly, ten days into the New Year and the shine has expired.

So this year, I decided to stick to the simplest of things. I took them out of a blog on Huff post.

1. Get more sleep
2. Watch less, or no, TV
3. Stop eating crap
4. Make time for exercise
5. Stop keeping a spotless house
6. Make love
7. Stop interacting with and worrying about your kids constantly
8. Stop waiting for your spouse to read your mind
9. Stop letting intrusive family members/ in-laws ruin your day/ holiday/life
10. Stop wishing you were different

Well, of course, not all of them apply to me but most more or less do. I also decided to learn a new skill and decided to go old school with crocheting. I started out this new skill with my co-writer. We went out, bought lots of wool and the crocheting sticks. We watched YouTube videos to get the hang of it. He was a natural while I just couldn’t get the hang of it. I couldn’t hold the stick right, the thread always got in a tangle. I was so frustrated, I decided to quit. Recently, I found the wool under my bed and decided to try one last time. These are the results…

That is my first retry. Don’t judge, we all have humble beginnings. But, 5 trials later, this was the result. And may I point out it exactly the same number of stitches as the first photo.

From zero to hero J I am glad I dint give up on it.

You may also have given up on your resolutions and its not even mid-year. The point of making resolutions is to challenge yourself. It doesn’t matter how bad you are at something, with practice, you get better at it gradually. If you have none, you can use the basic ten given above, well, at least the ones that apply to you. Scientifically proven, it takes 20 hours to completely learn a new skill. So if you are complaining and you have not even gotten past 5 hours, you are merely blabbering. After 20 hours, then you may complain.

This post is also to congratulate a friend who has talent in writing but had given up on it and has finally gone back to it after much postponing. Cheers. As my co-writer always reminds me, you are absolutely unique just like everyone else: so do what makes you happy and completes you even if it’s a little resolution. Feel free to give yourself a pat on the back and share your accomplishments or a nudge and share what you need to get done or habits you need to cut off.

Love and light,

Steja.

PS: Let us know what you wanna read about in the comments below.

Want to Get Unstuck?

Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?
― L.M. Montgomery

The sun rises the same each day. But never at the same time. Innovation and seeking ventures is the highlight of each entrepreneur. And their psychology is beyond the discussion here.

However, we would like to argue that everyone can be an entrepreneur without starting a business. Well, not really an entrepreneur in the strictest form, but rather in its risk management docket. It might seem farfetched but happier people are more likely better at risk management.

It is quite remarkable to think that happier people are those that choose, on a daily basis, to take on new activities. To rise differently.

Even though, I write all this I can’t be self-righteous and suggest that I do new activities each day. That I’m adventurous on a daily basis. I actually struggle with trying new things. Unfortunately, it is hard wired in my brain and stuff.

Moreover, studies have shown that our fear of new things is based on our need to distant ourselves from failure in whichever respect. Through history, all the new revolutionary ideas were embraced by generations that followed; for example, we can consider Galileo. We mentioned this in our jazz post that it is a trend to adopt the old and make it new.

So how can we try out new things with a new positive face? (I should have posted on a Monday)

1. Where am I?

A car has a handbrake that lets the car roll downhill if you release it. Similarly, habits have a particular trigger that sends us all on a behaviour.

So it’s up to us to identify the triggers to our habitual activities.

When do you drink excessively? After a long week at the office? After a big fight with the SO? Or with a particular group of buddies?

Same applies to habits of some benefit. We can develop patterns that give up space to develop ourselves. So when can I work out? After a long day at the office? Before? Or like me knew my brother comes from school?

This triggers remind you that something is to happen. But what about positive behaviour?

2. A cookie for a glass of water

It is 12 a.m. I should probably be a sleep. Allowing for my body to rejuvenate itself (I love this process, but not this venue). However, I’m awake staring at the large yoghurt pack and packet of Oreos. Yoghurt is healthy right? I’m hungry, right? No, not really. I have spent a lot of my time avoiding simple sugars from ice-creams, chocolate and pancakes… I’ve avoided this for weeks now.

I will not describe the embarrassment on my face after the clearing the oreos packets.

Well this is just how it happens. I strained my willpower. Unfortunately, my willpower ran out. And this happens naturally. Our willpower is like the fuel in your car. At some point it gets depleted.

So to milk as much from our willpower one has to realise that it does not hurt to take an Oreo per day, I recommend it. Actually, just like we cannot begin eating solid food immediately our first teeth appear. We have a weaning process. This allows us to get accustomed to the new environment.

So small rewards don’t hurt the process they accelerate it. So as I write this I am enjoying my glass of water than my box of cookies…

3. Train the O’ willpower

The army spends a lot of time training the cadets on the value of self-discipline. Training involves sacrifice.

This can be done easily by organising your goal in small operational objectives.

Imagine you have the goal to lose weight. Being specific 10kgs in 2 months. It cannot be done if the thought is 5kgs in the next month. Break it down to getting the workouts done before the end of the day.

Walk 10 minutes each day. Soon it will be 20 minutes at the end of the month you will be running for half an hour… Soon that weight will be shying off… 🙂

4. Repeat. Repeat? Was that the order?

Practice makes perfect. It takes 40 hours to gain a new skill. It can only come with time and repetition.

The degree of automaticity will increase exponentially with time.

No one can be a rally driver on the first go…

The sun rises the same each day. But never at the same time. So should you. You should rise with new ambitions every day with the same objectives. Anyway let us know what you think…

Much Love,
Steja.

Dream a little less

The weekend has come to an untimely end.As always…

But we won’t get to the next weekend if we don’t finish this one,right?haha.

I have always believed that my dreaming would get me to my zenith. Get me places.Whoosh me into the Eiffel tower. Until recently….

I have grown,and so has my perspective of everything.Things that I used to consider very important now are mere details.Nothing to write home about.

Of those things I have changed my mind about,is dreaming.

I have realized that indeed there is a difference between dreaming and setting goals.The former being a state in which one imagines how things would ideally fall into place in their favor.Of how things will pan out.The latter,is of a more realistic realm.And this is what I have come to appreciate.This aspect,is a world apart from dreaming.Here,you envision where you want to be.By a certain period of time.You also calculate the challenges expected,subtract them from the positives you will encounter.Add the experience you will have gained,multiply that by the perseverance you will have pumped into yourself and divide that by the tears you will have to shed before you see your goal achieved.

In both dreaming and setting goals,you say “Hey,I want to earn my first million by the time I turn 24.”.In dreaming,you’ll add,”And then go from continent to continent,changing the world.Chasing that paper.” In setting goals, you challenge you thoughts.”How will I get there?What will propel me to those heights?Who will support me most?Before I get to that level,where I can change planes like my underwear,where will I gain status fastest?I have x years left to achieve that.I should start now.”

Dreaming involves idealistic expectations.There is no failure,everyone supports you,you are a beast. In the goal setting arena,You realize that you will lose people you thought you’d never lose,you realize that you have to NEVER GIVE UP and that getting where you want to be requires sweat and blood.And WORK.

It’s good to be a dreamer,guys.But don’t get stuck in that dream world for too long.Even Cinderella had to work.

By Jackie.

Have a good week,y’all.
Dream less,Work more.

PS:

Click Howevered Heart for more adventures !:)

We Are Gonna Have Better Days

‘Today I woke up feeling like the mayor
I spend about an hour looking in the mirror’ Big Sean.

There is no measure for what it is, it just is. It’s the warm sun kiss on your face after a cold session. It’s waking up in the morning and smiling because you gonna have a good day. It just is. It’s happiness.

About 100 years ago, our forefathers were busy liberating the country. The world was fuelled with fear and anxiety. Children were filled with uncertainty. All kinds of blood was being spilt. All kinds of hurt was being thrown around. I can only imagine. In the midst of all this, a young man – let’s call him John – decided to leave his family home. Why? He had this dream of being one of the engineers of the Iron snake. Well that was very ambitious goal. Considering that he was no mechanic or engineer… I can go on about how he struggled and made good; unfortunately, he found out that his talents were in farming and not mechanics. It is a rare story to hear.

So what did John learn from the journey?

1. You have to get uncomfortable

We wake up each day with set goals and ambitions. We all set out to do what we believe we love. But how many times do we push ourselves beyond our pride and comfort zones? There are barriers but we can get through. But first…

What is that adventure you want to go on but can’t muster the courage to? What course is this you want to do but people regard as “not smart enough”? What charity do you want to contribute to but stuck to what “they” might think about you? What company is this you want to start but you heaped by the thought of your parents or family not liking it?

It gets to a point you have to try effectively (story for another day). It depends on knowing what you want…

2. Sometimes you don’t know what you really need

Didn’t expect that, did you? John was convinced that he knew where he was going… where he was headed. He was driven by this need to be happy by contributing to the great rails. However, he dint have the skill set. Or ability to acquire it. That is just how genetics goes…

‘Always remember you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else’ Margaret Mead.

So in the end he realized he had another set of skills that enabled him to be a great farmer. With the ability to surpass his peers’ success – who he left at the farm on his journey.

You can only realize what is important to you and what you really can do best if you put yourself out there.
At the end of the day, you can only smile when you think of the embarrassing times you did and learnt. I’m already smiling.

Love and positivity 🙂

Steja