13 People In Every Matatu (Minibus)

Matatus are the most common method of transport in Kenya. Within the matatus there is also a trend in terms of people…

+1 The Complainer

I enter the mat at tired. The day has had me. All I want to do is get home and binge on the latest series of House of Cards. Then they happen…

They seem to comment on every turn the driver is making. How hot it is in the matatu. And shouts over the music of how she knows her ears are now punctured.

When it comes to alighting they remind everyone of how they have been “pitishwad” stage (the minibus has dropped farther than expected).

+2 The Non-payer

You entered with them. They sit conveniently behind the conductor. Silent and busy observing the dusty roads of Nairobi.

Suddenly the conductor, starts poking every one in front of him for the 30/- they deserve. In their nonchalant manner they go unnoticed.

You give your 30/- wondering whether the conductor will also ask them. Upon arrival to his stage, they bravely demand that they be dropped. And from there he is free…

+3 The No Loose Money Guy

They give 1000/- expecting 970/-. The conductor must walk in traffic on the highway to ask for change…

They will definitely get it. But you still wondering why give a crisp note for dirty sweat ridden notes…

+4 The one on the phone

“Yes send him 100k… the rest is to smooth things over!”

In just one phone call I know about your girlfriend, wedding plans, break ups, investments and religion. I don’t know why I listened…

+5 The Hot One

Yes, the one that should be driven to and from work. The one you wondered what she does with her life apart from being gorgeous 24/7…

You might try to get in a word or two… but that’s all it will ever be. A matatu crush… 😀

+6 The Worker

They have a brown envelope filled with office documents. They feel this is the apt time to show your business name, board of trustees’ contacts and sign documents on a shaky under-serviced vehicle.

They are so busy they forget to claim their balance from the conductor… probably paying for +3

+7 The Texter

The whole mat knows you are texting. The whistle notification sounds make it every obvious. You can’t stop giggling can you? Can’t resist flashing your OLED display?

Sometimes I fall in this category. Hehe! Why am I lying… no one remembers me. #jk (This is the vaguest sentence you will ever read).

+8 The Couples

This is the most awkward. Two young couples decided to join me on the backseat. I’m already irritated by +1… now these two feel compelled to showcase their love. As well as discuss their relationship.

To get my mind off what they are doing. I focus my energies on +6…

Via http://aerialarmadillo.blogspot.com/2009_08_01_archive.html

+9 The Procurer

“Could you search for me my seat belt?”

Without notice, they have invaded your private space and claimed a few of your valuables. They then alight on the next stop having earned a free phone on a lazy day.

+10 The Marketer

They will sell you their business within the 15 minute ride. You are very tempted to invest and buy. But you just met the guy. So you ask for the card and promise to call when you can.

+11 The Sleeper

The Ongata Rongai fellows know what am talking about. These guys don’t even make an effort to be wake. Once they have paid that is it… they are off. They request to be woken up when the matatu reaches the last stage.

+12 The Conductor

They forgot to collect +3 fare. Probably because they have been ogling at +6 the whole ride. And has deliberately forgotten to return +7’s money.

Poking their head out, They scan for new passengers and police officers. They seem to be enjoying the music more than anyone else on the matatu. And what is that they are chewing?

+13 The driver

Is it me or did the traffic rules change today? Didn’t you see the oncoming car? Who are you racing? And why do you keep jacking the car?

They are very relaxed and constantly begging for a way in… in a 3 way traffic on a one lane road. In traffic, the newspaper serves as their entertainment, as he jokes with the conductor in vernacular.

Much Love,
Steja.

A Culture Of Lies (Episode 1: I’m On My Way)

If fairy tales still did exist and so our noses grew longer every time we told a lie, I’m pretty sure most of us would put Pinocchio to shame in the lying game.

Today, I was decided to help my little cousin do her homework as a kind gesture but she gets bored so fast so we decided to take a break every few minutes. After a while, she threw in the towel and exclaimed that there was no use to finish it as she could fabricate a story to tell the teacher as to why she could not do the homework. Amused, I asked her an example of such a “story” and she simply said:

“I did it for hours but couldn’t understand anything, so I thought it would be best you teach me first or I lost it on my way to school” And just to think back in my days we struggled with ridiculous excuses like the dog ate my homework 😀 The innocence she said it with would have had me fooled as well if I was the teacher.

We learn how to lie our way through taxing situations from childhood to avoid the discomfort of having to answer to questions. (Though apparently lying in a child sometimes shows high IQ <not to mean you let your child get away with lying>).

Then it graduates to ridiculous lies like lying to your boss that you have taken leave to attend a relative’s burial only for the said, dead relative to arrive in the office a week later frantically looking for you. Or the famous matatu (minibus) lies of where you happen if you are late for something.

Today, I boarded a matatu and sat next to a young man. No sooner had we began the journey than he received a call from a lady and he suddenly became so apologetic promising he would arrive at their meeting venue in a few minutes as he was already at Prestige (while in reality we had just left town) and if she would wait for him just a bit longer, he would cater for their lunch. He travelled the rest of the journey so uptight and kept texting her to reassure her he was just a few minutes away. But when he arrived at his alighting stage, a lady stood up from the back of the matatu before he stood. “Faith!!” he called out shocked, “I thought you said you had already arrived and were waiting for me?” She seemed dumbfounded for a minute before retorting, “I thought you said you were at Prestige when the matatu was in town”. They were both so embarrassed. The whole matatu burst out laughing. But really, we all do this. We lie about where we are most times we are late.

I need to stop using my excuse of “I’m on University way, give me 5 minutes”…

Much love,
Steja.